


call me back later, okay?

by itisjosh



Series: onlypain [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Coping, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I like writing angst, Loneliness, Mentions of Cancer, Mostly Dialogue, No Fluff, Past Character Death, References to Depression, Sad, This is just pure angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Voicemails, maybe unhealthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: Ring. Ring. Ring.Ring.Ring."Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!""Hi, Tubbo. It's Tommy."
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: onlypain [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027711
Comments: 77
Kudos: 737





	call me back later, okay?

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Richiamami più tardi, okay?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806344) by [AlexiaRainbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexiaRainbow/pseuds/AlexiaRainbow)



_Ring. Ring. Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Hi, Tubbo. It's Tommy. It's December twenty-third right now, and I'm..I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. I can't do it without you, Tubbo. We..I can't do _this_. It's so hard, man. It's so fucking hard. I can't deal with anything, I can't go to school, I've been sitting at home all fucking day. I..Tubbo, I've gone absolutely insane. I'm losing my mind, big man. I'm so tired. Everything is so hard and difficult, and I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'm not myself without you, am I? It's always Tommy and Tubbo, it was always the two of us. The two of us against the world, ready to fuck some shit up. It was never meant to just be me. We're a package deal, aren't we? We..we were never supposed to be separated, and it fucking happened. Tubbo, that fucking disease, that..that goddamn..it never-

 _Click_.

He dials again.

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Yeah, big man, I know it's you. How could anyone forget your voice? God, man, you sound so happy. You sound so fucking happy. Tubbo, are you happy? Are you happy wherever you are? I don't believe in ghosts or..or anything after this, but..but please, god, fucking..please tell me there's something after here. If not for me, for you. I don't know if you believed in God, or if you believed in like, reincarnation or whatever. But _fuck_ , Tubbo, I hope to god it's real. I hope that there's something after this. I want to see you so badly. I want to see you again. I can't even bring myself to go to the goddamn graveyard, 'cause I'm such a fucking pussy. Wilbur and Techno visit a lot. So does Phil. They say I should visit, too, but I don't think I can. This is..this is what I'll have to do, I guess. It never should have been you. Nothing bad should've ever happened to you, Tubbo, nothing..you never deserved any of it. I'm so sor-"

 _Click_.

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had that happen to you. What the _fuck_ , man. What the _fuck!_ It never should have been you! Why the fuck was it _you!?_ You were always such a goddamn good person. You were too kind, too nice. You were too nice to me, to everyone else. You were such a fucking sweetheart, a goddamn softie. Who the fuck decided it would be okay to take you away from me? From this life? To- to fucking _kill_ you. You're _dead_ , Tubbo! You're dead, and I'm not, and I don't fucking get it. I don't get it, Tubbo, I don't..I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't know why the hell it wasn't me. Because, you..you could have dealt with it. I can't, Tubbo, I can't. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired, and I can't even leave the house, and everything reminds me of you, and-"

_Click._

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Whenever I look outside, I see flowers. And when I see the goddamn flowers, I see bees. And every single time I see bees, Tubbo, I start to cry. Yeah, Tubbo, I cry now. I cry a lot. I cry every time I call you. I'm crying right now. I cry so fucking much, Tubbo. I'm exhausted. Dad tells me to go visit you, to- to put flowers on your grave. I'm sorry, Tubbo, I'm so sorry. I can't do it. I can't do it yet, and I hope you understand. Of course you understand, you're Tubbo. You've always been so understanding, so kind, so..so..perfect. You were the perfect person, you were _my_ person, and now you're gone. We were meant to live and die together, Tubbo. We..we.."

_Click._

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Please come back. Please. I need you, Tubbo, I need you so fucking badly. I can't do this on my own. Techno's trying to help, Will's trying to help, they're all trying to help, but it isn't working. This can't be fixed, they can't help me. The only way to fix this is for you to come back, and you can't do that. You can't come back, 'cause you're fucking dead. You're fucking dead, and I'm all alone, and I don't know how much longer I can take this. Tubbo, I've gone mental. I'm going insane. Every single day of my life, ever since it happened, I've been calling you. And..and one day, it's gonna be someone else's voicemail. Someone else who picks up, or answers a text, or- or..I can't do this, Tubbo. I can't. I can't do it, I..I miss you so much, Tubbo. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry it happened to you. You were always so optimistic, you were so confident you'd get through this. You we-"

_Click._

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Did you really believe that, Tubbo?"

_Click._

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"Or were you just lying so I'd feel better? Did you know? The doctors had to have told you. They had to have told you that it was terminal. You knew, didn't you? You knew. You had to have known, there's no way you didn't. You were just pretending, weren't you? You were so scared, I knew you were scared, and you..you had to pretend. For me. So I wouldn't be scared. Tubbo, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Tubbo. I'm so sorry."

 _Click_.

_"Hello! Sorry, I'm not at the phone right now, call me back later, okay? Thank you! Oh, um, yeah, this is Tubbo! Okay, bye!"_

"I love you. I..I'll call you back soon. Bye, Tubbo."

 _Click_.


End file.
